Shiva Call

Last night, I went with some classmates to pay a Shiva call. It was not something I wanted to do. In fact, I came very close to not going at all. We had just come back from an extended weekend away. I was tired. I had showered, and my mother had warned me that it's insensitive to come to a Shiva house freshly showered and glowing with health. I had the perfect excuse not to go.

But then I remembered how my father had flown to pay a Shivah call to my aunt and uncle when they had lost a child. My parents were tight on money back then, and a flight was a big deal. I took from this how important it is to make that visit, even if it's uncomfortable.

So I went.

There were five of us, but there were many more people in the house. That helped. It was less intense. I didn't say a word. I sat and watched and listened and mourned, until it was time to go. Then I said the traditional phrase, "Hamakom yenachem etchem betoch shaar avlay Tziyon viYerushalayim". It was my first time saying those words. They tasted powerful. And I realized that those were the best words to say, because the grief at a tragic Shiva is so overwhelming. There is literally nothing to say or do besides pray that G-d bring comfort to the mourners.

In retrospect, I am grateful that I went. It was the right thing to do, and it was educational. I feel strengthened from the experience, more connected to G-d and to my community. But I hope and pray that I will never have to do such a thing again.