Bullet Journal Reflections

I've been back and forth with my husband regarding investing in a new journal so that I can begin bullet journaling. Of course I found a lovely journal and some really cool pens, and I said to myself, "it's only $20, between the lot"... but for the sake of integrity, I ran it by my better half. He has his reservations. I can imagine what they sound like:

More spending?
Does she need it?
Will she even stick with it?

But I really really wanted to try out some of Ryder Carroll's ideas. After reading up on the concepts, I found a lot of similarities between the BuJo method and the notes I take. The difference is, BuJo is organized, consolidated, intentional. My notes fill simultaneous legal pads. The lists take various forms. A typical page is a rat's nest of arrows, boxes, and lines, and I'm forever searching for the most recent 'to-do' list... that's if I even think to check the list. I'm notorious for making lists and forgetting about them.

So here's what I did:

I took a blank composition notebook that I had overstocked from this year's school supply spree. I began setting up the notebook as Ryder Carroll instructs on BulletJournal.com: index, future log, month calendar (did not do this properly, on reflection), day log. I added a couple relevant collections: my library list, a supper menu... numbered the pages and logged them in the index. And voila! A bullet journal.

Mind you I did all this in plain ol' Bic pen.

The lesson? Sometimes things are possible if you scale down your standards. I did not have to spend $20 to have a satisfactory bullet journal experience. On further exploration, I found that many dedicated BuJournalers use, and even prefer to use, regular comp notebooks of different shapes and sizes. After all, it's not the materials you use but the practice that counts.

Shopping Woes

Tight finances have been an unfortunate reality for most of my life. A frum lifestyle, complete with multiple children, will do that to even the best prepared.

So what's with my shopping patterns?

I'll describe them for you. I finish browsing my email and all the news sites and social media. Then I turn to my 'promotions' box. There I find a favored site broadcasting a fantastic sale, and I must go see how low the products actually are. Lo, I find something I like, and you can't beat the price. So I buy that. But while browsing, I discover a different product that I really want. I begin shopping around until I find the best possible price on Amazon. I buy that too. Amazon shows me some related products, and I'm hooked.

That's one scenario: classic advertising tactics working like a charm. There are others, but I won't waste your time. There are the non-compulsive, "necessary" purchases. There are Amazon products that I never get around to returning. You get the idea.

Most of my compulsive shopping takes place online, where simple clicks lead to purchases, many of them unnecessary. It's no wonder that my husband moans over the credit card bills. I mean, did I really need another tube of lipgloss? "But it was only $3.99!" Yeah, and such things add up shockingly fast.

I know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I also know that 'this' could be rightly termed an addiction. I could qualify for Shopaholics Anonymous. I'm not going to go. I have nothing against 12-step programs. In fact I've enjoyed and appreciated my experiences with Al-Anon. The reason I'm not going to go is because despite bulging credit cards and a stressed-out husband, I can't bring myself to take the matter seriously. I tell myself I'm not that bad. I don't go out and spend $800 in a single shopping spree. I'm not 'out-of-control'.

Am I?

Oh yes. I am.

That there is the issue. I'm supposed to be a mature adult. I'm responsible for the wellbeing of others. There are words we use to describe the qualities of a good homemaker. 'Responsible' is one of them. 'Effective' is another. How can I be effective when I lack discipline? And if I'm lacking in fiscal discipline, in what other areas am I falling short?

These are challenging questions. It could be that I don't take the shopping issue seriously because I don't want to confront these bigger questions. I don't want to look in the mirror. But at the same time, I pride myself on being one of those people who values health and continued growth. Something doesn't add up.

In how many ways do I delude myself? I say it's ok to buy one more tube of lipgloss. I say the small numbers don't count. I tell myself I'm in control of my shopping. I have enough discipline to be effective. And yes, I value growth.

But I recognize the issues. They torment me like shadows that refuse to fade. I know that for me it is a victory to close a tab, abandoning a shopping cart filled with bargains.

So I close out Coldwater Creek, and Cents of Style, and H&M... and I congratulate myself on a victory for today.

A TED talk by Eli Nash

Watch this. Just... trust me on this one, take the fifteen minutes, and watch this video. Right now.

This guy is my new hero.

In the video, Eli Nash speaks about his struggle with porn addiction and the associated shame attached to that illness. He speaks in candid terms about other peoples' reactions to his openness. It seems like his goal is to break the stigma around discussion of pornography as a dangerous, and damaging addiction.

I can't even imagine the amount of courage it took for Nash to bare himself like this. Giving a TED talk about fighting porn addiction is the ultimate in vulnerability. I'm reminded of Brene Brown's book, Daring Greatly, in which she lays out her case for vulnerability as the stuff of life. According to Brown's research, vulnerability lays the groundwork for connection, which, as Johann Hari claims, is the opposite of, and antidote for addiction.

If Brown and Hari are correct, Nash really is conquering addiction, and we are watching him do it. In delivering that speech, Nash is not just breaking a stigma. He is actively forging new connections with people around the issue of porn addiction. He is moving towards health.

That is why Eli Nash is my new hero. I have boundless admiration for a person who conquers his shame in pursuit of health.

You go, Eli. You've got this!